Challenges

There are an interesting set of challenges that arise when you are a single girl in your 30’s. 

Up until this point, whenever there was something I wanted to do – I asked around and if nobody wanted to participate then I simply didn’t either.  Not small things, I can go eat at a restaurant alone, go to a movie alone, go to the mall alone.  But I’m getting to the point of really not caring if anybody else joins me in the big activities either.  Namely, vacations.  Do I really want to wait around for other people to be willing to go on vacation with me before I go?  Absolutely not! 

Here lies the challenge:  My parents.

There is a trail I like to walk on in our town, it’s a very popular trail for walkers, bike riders, runners, etc. And it goes down a somewhat secluded area, which is the appeal for this path – it’s so nice and peaceful.  Apparently a coworker of my mom’s walked down it and felt unsafe.  So my mom tells me I need to stop walking that trail.

Now I know my mom just has my safety at heart, but I asked her what I was supposed to do?  She said, take a friend.  And if nobody wants to go?  She said to find somewhere else to walk.

Must I really plan my life around what other people want to do?  If I want to walk the trail and nobody else does, do I need to lay my own desire aside?  When I was graduating high school, I wanted to attend a college 5 hours away, I had friends who had graduated from this college and they loved it.  My mom didn’t want me leaving town (she still doesn’t want me leaving town) and she talked down about this college so much that I did eventually change my mind.  Now I’m 33 years old struggling to work full time and finish up.  What if I hadn’t let her fear keep me here?  That’s all it was, after all –  She was afraid to know what it was like to let me go. 

At what point is it okay to override your parents’ concern?   I have posted previously about wanting to go to NYC by myself.  It isn’t my first choice, I’d love to have friends go!  But they don’t want to go.  So do I just lay that desire aside?  Or push onward?  I say that I need to push onward.  My mom doesn’t even want me walking a trail by myself – neither she or my dad will want me in NYC alone.  I can only imagine how the conversation would go if I told them of my desires.  My mom would tell me I’m crazy, when I push on and say I want to do it, she’ll put my dad on the phone who will tell me that I’d be CRAZY to go alone, and to not go.  I’d have zero support from them.

At what point is a single 33 year old girl allowed to ignore her parents’ advice and live her own life?  I’ve had people tell me that I don’t need to go to Wal-Mart at night by myself.  I simply cannot let everyone’s fears dictate my life, I’d never do anything.

But what about my parents?  I don’t want to blatantly disobey them, but I am an adult.  Am I finally struggling to grow up?  Is this what it feels like?

Signing off as confused as when I signed on,

Amy

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4 thoughts on “Challenges

  1. Nicole says:

    I don’t know if you’re looking for opinions, or are just “rambling” and letting it out… but here are my opinions anyway…

    At 33 years old, you’re no longer “under” your parents, in terms of having to obey them etc… I admire you for doing things by yourself – I think that it’s an important part of forming your own identity. I was 19 when I first went to the US by myself and it did me a world of good. I’ve always admired my brother, moving to Europe by himself… travelling by himself… it seems as though some people, if they are not married, seem to “delay living” – they have all these dreams that they want to do with a family, but nothing that THEY want to do for THEM in that period of singleness. I think it’s awesome that you want to go to NYC by yourself, and by all means, listen to your parents – but if you listen and decide that you still want to do it, they should accept that you’re an adult who can and should make your own decisions.

    Anyway… I could go on, but those are some of my thoughts 😉

    *hugs*

    • Amy Smllwd says:

      Nik, It’s a cross between both…talking to work through it and also to gain opinions. I do appreciate your opinions, as well! You’re one of the ones I was thinking of any time I considered and would think of people who’d traveled solo before. I think that we tend to delay living without even meaning to do so…I think I’ve done it without meaning to…and it stops here =)

      • Nicole says:

        well I’ve really benefited from having parents who were supportive and encouraging of us doing things like that… I think that if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have been brave enough to do anything like that!! I admire you for wanting to do stuff, even when you are being DIScouraged. And while you’re at it, you should come on over to HK too 😉 😉

  2. Amy Smllwd says:

    Nicole, I’d come to HK in a hot second! That’d be an amazing trip!!!

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