Broken Pieces

I get my iPhone on Friday!  I’ve been with Verizon my entire cell phone existence – 14 years – and finally today my loyalty paid off.  My current cell phone battery is shot.  I made an eight minute phone call earlier on a full battery and it’s now dead.  So I contacted Verizon Support via their Social Support (Twitter) and they told me they could get me a new iPhone sent out and I’ll get it on Friday.  That’s only three weeks early, but they normally don’t allow any kind of special allowances.

I’ve been on vacation this week.  Went to Gatlinburg with the family and we had a great time.  I had talked my parents into renting a 2BR Condo instead of two hotel rooms and it was an excellent choice.  For one, I didn’t have to share a regular hotel room with my parents.  I’m 33 years old and sleeping in the same room as my parents makes me feel 8 years old…so I avoid that whenever I can.  Also, it allowed my 3-year-old niece a larger place to roam.  She could freely go from her parents room, to my “room” (the living room) or my parents room.  When we left she said “I liked living in that condo.” The condo was also $159 a night – not much more than a single hotel room on the strip.  I’m hooked on staying in condos and I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to a regular hotel!!  Next up – I want to rent an apartment in NYC.  I could pretend to be a real New Yorker!  You can rent an apartment in NYC for the same price as a hotel room.  Neither is cheap, but the apartment would be great.

I’m happy that I still have 5 days of vacation left (including today).  Being on vacation is sort of like fasting for me.  It brings to light things that need to change.  Any time I’ve ever decided to quit a job, it’s happened while I’m on vacation.  If I’m on vacation and find that I’m not dreading going to back to work – then things are good.  I’m not really dreading going back to work – but being away from work I’m realizing some things that need to change.  I’m just not sure how to change them.  Of course, all I can change is myself…so that’s what I have to focus on.  I’m working with someone who has become extremely negative.  On one hand, I could say that she has good reason, but on the other hand…it’s really bringing me down – big time.  I know that what she needs is God.  She says she doesn’t go to church because the people she always finds at church are just hypocrites.  But how do you explain to someone that the reason we need a savior is because to some degree, we’re all hypocrites?  I don’t want to be one…but so often I am.  We’ve been given this wonderful message – yet rarely share it.  We’ve been given the Holy Ghost and are told how to “tap into it” by reading our bibles, praying, and fasting.  Yet how many times do I fail to do those things every day?  I’m also failing the people I come in contact with because I’m not embracing what I know.

I’m a hypocrite.

I know that my righteousness is just filthy rags, so I don’t want to try to cook up my own kind of righteousness.  I’d rather come before the Lord with all the broken pieces and let Him make something out of it.  Only, I can’t just bring my broken pieces to Him on Sunday, or just every now and then in my not-so-daily prayers…it has to be every day and sometimes every minute.  I have to be constantly submitting my broke pieces to Him, or I’ll find myself attempting to be righteous on my own – bringing nothing to the altar but filthy rags that in my eyes are beautiful garments – that He can do nothing with.

I’m feeling useless today.  Work, school, God…I don’t feel good enough to succeed in any of these areas of my life.  But maybe that’s where I need to be…feeling useless so that all I can do is rely on Him.  It’s all I want to do anyway.

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