What I’ve learned

I am halfway through my Bachelor program as a Psych major and I realized over the weekend that I have learned a lot from my classmates.  You see, we go to school in cohorts.  This means that my group of about 20 students take all our classes together and in the same location – our teacher will rotate with each subject.  It puts us in a situation of being more likely to finish our degree and helps us gain support and learn from each other.  I realized this weekend that I have learned a lot from my classmates.

You can be too spiritual.  I attend a Christian university and every class period is opened with a short devotion, prayer requests, and then we are led in a short prayer.  I have a classmate who dominates prayer request time with “prayer and praise” as she calls it.  Pray that she will eat healthy, pray for a person in her church who needs a job, pray for her daughter to pass a test, praise that her parents blessed her with money and she was able to buy an iPhone, and the list could (and does) go on.  She takes up so much time every week, that nobody else bothers to speak up.  A few weeks ago she was down the hall during this time and other people spoke up.  One man has a son in prison and he has an upcoming opportunity to get out of jail after being in there for 7 years.  If the judge doesn’t let him out, he’ll serve another 10-20 years for a crime committed when he was 17 years old.  One girl is going through a divorce and asked us to pray that she would be able to find a place for her and her four children to live – she began to cry, she is under a lot of stress.  Another girl’s son is dealing with seizures and the doctors aren’t sure why. One classmate’s father just passed away and the family is having a very difficult time coping.  Another classmate has a brother with special needs and she asked for prayer that her family would find strength to deal with him as he is getting older and more challenging.

To hear what everyone had to say was heartbreaking to me.  I realized that many of them have been sitting on these needs because someone else always felt the need to dominate with (In comparison) petty needs and praises that are best offered during private times.

What I have learned from this is that just because you have the opportunity to speak does not mean you should.  While I may be quite thankful for having the money to have an iPhone, perhaps it is best to be grateful in private.  I’ve learned that it is very important to be silent and let others speak.  To listen.

Be quiet and listen. That’s what I have learned halfway through this program.

Smitten

My baby niece was asleep the other evening, she’d been asleep on my shoulder for about an hour.  A noise began to wake her and I lowered her into a classic baby-holding position and began to rock her.  She opened her eyes, looked at me, and gave me a soft and content smile.  I leaned down to kiss her cheek and she softly smiled again and nestled her head into my arm.  She continued to softly smile, looking intently into my eyes – this was a different smile than normal.  She’s only four months old, but I promise it was a smile that said “I’m happy to be lying here in your arms, and I like it when you kiss my cheeks.” My heart was bursting and I am smitten with her.

fear

Currently, my biggest fear is that all of the hard work I am putting into getting an education will amount to nothing.  That the only thing I will ever be capable of doing is being a bank teller.

I needed to tell someone.

Dreams of change

I didn’t intend on 2013 being a big year of change for me – that was going to be next year.  Next year was to be the year I change jobs, move to another city, and find out what I’m capable of doing.  This week it became clear to me that it’s time to make some changes now.  Or at least try – dip my toe into the waters of change, see what comes of it.  It all came mainly due to a dream that I had.  

 

Here’s to following dreams.

Birthday weekend

Over the weekend I had a birthday. I won’t tell you how old I am, but I will say that this was the 35th time that I’ve seen January 19.  I only remember 31 or 32 of those, though.

It was, perhaps, the most interesting birthday weekend I’ve had in awhile.  Or ever, I can’t remember the past very well.

The weekend started off normal – dinner with my mom and oldest niece – it ended with this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A casino. 3.5 hours south of where I live.  Not being a fan of losing money, I was a spectator rather than a gambler.  This isn’t the casino we spent the most time in, but it was the only one I took a picture of at night.  (This was not with my mom and niece, but with friends)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning, I met a cardboard cutout of Paula Deen, y’all.  We ate at her buffet at the Harrah’s Casino – it was pretty good.  Unfortunately I felt a responsibility to taste as many food items as possible.  Despite only putting two bites of each dish on my plate, I was still about to explode when I left.  If I ever visit again I will only eat three things: Pulled pork, hoecakes (that’s right, hoecakes) and bread pudding.  It’s all I needed.  It’s all you will need, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After we gorged at Paula’s buffet, we headed home via Memphis.  It was Martin Luther King Jr. Day and it felt fitting to go see the place where MLK was assassinated.  Despite only living three hours away, none of us had ever visited the site.  The area was full of people and it was surreal to stand there knowing what had taken place here.  We were unable to tour the museum, but it was enough to see it.

2013 Book

The year 2013 is a book and January 1 is the first page.

I heard that in church on Sunday, on Facebook, and on Twitter.  So, here’s what my first page would say:

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Amy.  She had the day off work and slept much longer than she normally would.  After she stumbled out of bed and made a pot of coffee, she made a delicious batch of french toast.  For the next 4 hours she mostly stared at her laptop, occasionally pausing to clean a bit of her house (So that the day would feel productive).  After taking a shower, she ate some more french toast. She then dressed and went to see the final Twilight movie.  During this movie, she covered her eyes a few times, drove home, and ate more french toast.

After only speaking four words out loud to another human (One for Twilight, please.) she was in bed by 9PM.

Life

I spent the last 48 hours with my five-year-old niece.  A set of hours that immediately followed a horrifying tragedy in Connecticut where 20 children her age were brutally and senselessly murdered.

Friday night, in another state that is not Connecticut, a family also lost their daughter.  Not to a human murderer, but to something just as senseless.  Cancer.  Lily Anderson fought a long, difficult, and painful battle against this disease.  (Watch her sing the National Anthem)

My niece wildly draped her legs across me while we slept. She had the TV turned up too loud. She made messes. She dropped her breakfast on the ground.

I hugged her. Held her. Kissed her. Told her that I loved her.

Life is so fragile.

Shhh, just…shhh.

I am not the most social person in the world. I like people, I just don’t always like to talk to them.  Or have them talk to me.  Or be around me.  Or be around them.

Unfortunately, the nature of my job means that there are anywhere from 6-10 people within 15 feet of me all day long (and not in cubicles).  Some days I attempt to stay in my corner and not speak to anyone.  On these days, when I do have to speak, it’s usually the wrong thing.

Love that.

I’m going to be 35 years old next month, you would think I would have learned to hold my tongue by now.  But, nope.  All I can hope is that these people who spend 40 hours a week less than 15 feet from me all day long, overlook me.

Charlotte’s birth story

I didn’t have a blog when my first niece was born – but I’m going to try and tell Charlotte her story. I know there is a lot that I will forget by the time she wants to hear the story.

Thursday night (Thanksgiving) – Your mom was to be induced! We (Me, Granny, Paw-Paw, and your sister) were SO excited to finally meet you. She had some medicine on Thursday night and more medicine on Friday morning. By Friday at lunch it was pretty clear – you were not coming today. They said, come back Saturday night.

Saturday night – Ultrasound to make sure you were still okay. You were, so they sent everyone home and said “We will try again on Tuesday.”

Sunday – Your mom started texting Granny that some things were happening, and by 12PM she was having contractions every 3 minutes. She took a shower and they left for the hospital at 12:30PM. Me, Granny, Paw-Paw, and your sister were at Sunday School that morning and went to eat some mexican food for lunch. We left the restaurant around 1PM. Me and your sister went back to my house to change clothes and we played around for a little bit before we headed to the hospital around 1:30PM. We settled in for the long-haul. Played a few games, talked about what we would do for dinner, things like that. I suppose when you make up your mind to do something…you do it quickly. You were born at 3:49PM. Your doctor did not even have time to wash up and make it into the delivery room – the nurses took care of your arrival. I met you about 40 minutes after you were born and I held you for the first time about 3 hours after you were born. Why didn’t I hold you the first time I saw you? Because your sister couldn’t keep her hands off you!! She was so excited to finally meet you and I didn’t want to keep her from you. When I saw you that evening, I held you and you cried.

Monday – I visited you on my lunch break. I held you quite awhile and you cried. I came back after I got off work and this time I figured out how you like to be held and you haven’t cried with me since

It’s Tuesday and you’ve gone home from the hospital. I will see you again on Thursday!!

Vacation Blues

Monday – Relax

Tuesday – Stomach virus.

Wednesday – Sleeping and eating crackers to recover from stomach virus. Also, family dinner with family I normally only see at funerals.

Thursday – Thanksgiving and my sister’s labor is induced.

Friday – Sister is sent home because induction did not work.  I didn’t know that could happen.

Saturday – Homework.  5 year old niece will probably spend the night with me because Induction Take Two will begin tonight.

Sunday – Hang out at the hospital and if there is no baby on this day

Monday – I will return to work a very sad person.